more bad news
yesterday, when my mom and gadi got back from taking your clothes to the kibbutz, she told me told me that your mom has breast cancer. Apprently, your mom just got back from the doctor and got the news herself. I was shocked.
And then i found out that Ruthy, your aunt, who also has breast cancer, is now in hospice home care. she's not going to get out of it and she has accepted. Your plump, happy, super strong aunt is now waif thin and paralyzed in bed. The last I saw ruthy was when she came to the hospital less than a year ago to be with you during one of the surgeries. she told us about her fight with breast cancer and she showed so much strength and gave you so much encouragement. We always said after that - if Ruthy can do it, so can you! She was a role model. She was the picture of health and a healthy attitude.
And then i realized, i've been so self absorbed the last few months, i haven't spoken with Ruth, with your cousin Anat who helped us so much, with your aunt NAOMI who after taking so much care of you is now taking care of her twin sister. and also hardly with Idit and your mom. you know i mostly talk with your dad - to catch up and plan our visits. but we dont really talk about that stuff. i guess i never asked!
Well, when i went out to put some clothes in the recycling (see last post), i then called your mom. Bad idea. she picked up the phone and i just started blubbering. i couldnt even get a word out, i had to tell her ill call her back. poor thing - she just finds out it's cancer and i call and lose it - just what she needs. cant beleive myself.
after i somewhat composed myself i was afraid to call back for fear i would start again so i called Idit. as usual, her calmness and rationality helped me get my sht together. like it always did when we talked about you. She said that your mom has a non aggressive type that responds well to hormone therapy and she'll have surgery and radiation, but hopefully not chemo. cancer is not a death sentence! even though it sometimes feels like it is and it's all around - there are tons of survivors out there of all ages!
thats what i wanted to tell her instead of blubbering. ill try that again today.
Anyay, after the call to your mom and then Idit i tried calling Anat but she couldnt talk. I sent her a message and she wrote back that we'll talk to day. amirchook, i love your family. they are all good, wonderful amazing people and i dont want to lose any of them! even more than when you were alive, i need my connection to them. i feel like they're mine now.