Sorting Out

Hey babe,

One of the hardest things for me is in this apartment. the one we renovated together and has you everywhere and i want to leave but i can't.

The hardest thing has been the clothes. the closets FULL of clothes. Clothes that still smell like you, that were folded by you, that were worn by you. good god man you had a lot of clothes. borderline hoarder. i see things that i know are from france in the 70s!

Slowly slowly i've been gathering things and taking them by the trunkload to the Kibbutz. yesterday my mom and gadi made a "nagla" and took stuff straight to your parents. but it's good - i know Ma'ayan and Michael, Roeeya and others i think are all taking jackets, sporty stuff ( you literally have a gazillion NIke and Adidas running shirts) Also sweaters and things to remember you by and fact of matter is - you had some great stuff!

But sorting through it all, taking out what i want to keep for tomer and dean - so i can say - this was your daddy's tie, this was your daddy's favorite t shirt - is F'n hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate it so much.

and it's neverending. man you had a lot of stuff.

every item i stuff into a plastic bag is like another burial. its so brutal. Last night I took the socks and underwear - these I didn't take to the kibbutz but to the recycling container on After street. I pushed them all through the flap down into that deep bin. That was very real and frightening. i tried to feel like you were helping me. not easy.